Wheeljacks It Off
by Death Valley Reaper
Summary: Wheeljack discovers how humans reproduce...as well as masturbation.


**The idea for this story just popped outta nowhere. It was totally random. I was just watching Transformers: Dark of the Moon and thought about Eugene from The Walking Dead. And then, I saw Que/Wheeljack, who was also the "nerd" of the Autobots and (unlike Eugene) an actual scientist. Those similarities gave me the idea of turning him into a Peeping Tom like Eugene. So, that idea gave birth to this ridiculous (but short) fic.**

 **Well…here we go. Read it at your own risk.**

* * *

"Just a little piece over here and it should be complete."

Wheeljack had spent the week working on a new machine, which he hoped wouldn't fail this time. He was just about to add the finishing piece, which would finally complete it. He had hoped to finish it before the Autobots' trip to Disneyland the next day.

"Ah yes. Finally! It is complete!" said Autobot Einstein.

He stared proudly at his brand new invention for a few moments.

"I think I shall take a rest for a while. All that hard work has me tuckered out."

He headed towards a nearby stream and sat by it, observing the wonders of nature, which he hoped to study further. He watched a few birds fly by. He chuckled.

"Ah, the wonders of Earth. Thank heaven for whoever created it."

Suddenly, he heard the sound of giggling nearby, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"What the?" he muttered.

He slowly went into the water and began crawling in prone position, but stuck his head out to observe his surroundings. After a while, he stopped. Then, he looked to the left and his optics bulged out of their sockets. He couldn't believe what he saw.

"Oh good Primus." he said.

There was a couple making out by the edge of the stream…

…and they didn't have any clothes on.

"So what do I get?" asked the woman, teasingly.

"You're having it right now." replied the guy. "You're seeing stars."

His lover giggled as he kissed her neck.

Wheeljack watched, delighted and fascinated at the sight. He never really got the chance to observe human behavior closely, since he was always busy with other things.

"Oh dear me." he said. He couldn't stop smiling at the sight for some reason. Aroused but unbeknownst to him, he put his hand to his crotch area and began pulling on…something. He didn't know what he was doing. Nor did he have any idea what he was doing was called.

"So this is how humans reproduce. Interesting. Yes! I finally found some firsthand information!" he muttered.

And that's when the fucking started…

"Take it slow." ordered the woman.

"You got it, baby." replied her lover.

He began pushing himself in and out.

"Oh! Oh yeah!"

Wheeljack was enjoying every bit of this. He was going nuts! His optics rolled at the back of his head. Then, later, he stopped pulling on himself for a moment. But he felt something coming.

The guy then fired his cannon and then came a simultaneous orgasm. The woman moaned loudly. The guy groaned.

"Bullseye!"

Wheeljack couldn't hold it anymore. He suddenly felt himself release something from his crotch area.

"Ohhhhhh…." he groaned, quite loudly enough for the couple to hear.

He gasped and slapped his hand over his mouth, and hid under the water.

"Shite." he said, muffled by his own hand. Under the water, he stared at something strange around him, shocked. It was energon. He had released energon.

"Uh, what did I just do? How did energon get here?" he wondered loudly.

"Hello?" the guy called out.

Wheeljack was hoping that they hadn't seen part of him yet, and remained quietly underwater.

"You heard anything?" asked the woman.

"No. Not at all." replied the guy.

"That was weird. I thought I saw something glowing in the water. And I think I felt the Earth move a bit."

After a few more minutes of kissing passionately, they got dressed, and left. Wheeljack finally stuck his head out of the water. A lily pad was on top of his head.

He sighed in relief.

"Ah. Looks like the coast is clear." he said to himself.

"Wheeljack!" yelled an angry voice.

Wheeljack got startled and splashed around the water.

"Scrap!" he yelled.

It took a few moments for him to regain his senses. When he finally did, he looked at the source of the voice. His facial expression turned to worry.

"Oh no." he muttered.

Ratchet was standing there in front of him. He didn't look happy.

"What the frag are you doing there?!" he shouted.

Wheeljack was too stunned and embarrassed to answer.

"I…well, I was…uh…"

"You…uh…were, uh…doing what?!" asked Ratchet, mocking the inventor.

"I, well…how can I put this delicately?" said Wheeljack, standing up.

"Well, spit it out then!"

"I swear to Primus, this isn't what it looks like!" Wheeljack protested.

"YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION!" roared Ratchet, causing Wheeljack to cringe in horror.

He looked down at Wheeljack's lower legs. His optics widened.

"Uh…Wheeljack?" he began. "Why is there energon in the water?"

Wheeljack looked at the energon surrounding his feet. He stared at Ratchet awkwardly in silence.

"Well…you see. The thing is…"

"The thing is what?"

"I…don't really know where that came from." Wheeljack lied.

Ratchet sighed.

"I was just busy looking around at the work of Mother Nature for a while, but then I heard something nearby. Moaning and giggling. I looked for the source of the sounds. It was a couple." said Wheeljack.

"You can stop there." said Ratchet.

He gestured to the inventor.

"Come on. Everyone else is looking for you." he said.

"Okay." replied Wheeljack.

Ratchet raised his finger.

"We will never speak of this again." he ordered.

"Got it."

Wheeljack got out of the water and followed the Autobot medic, and carefully picked up a large cloth lying nearby.

* * *

Across the lake, Jetfire lay prone on the ground, having also seen the sexual moment on the other side.

"WHOO!" he sighed in relief. "Now that's what I call a porno!"

He turned to the camera and gave a thumbs up and a wink.

*Seinfeld theme starts to play*

* * *

 **Damn, I must've eaten a little too much sugar before writing this.**


End file.
